Your task is to read this college entrance essay, and grade it on a scale of 1-10 on this survey (SURVEY CLOSED). I will publish the results of the survey next week and also provide my brief critique of this essay!
Why are we doing this? There is no better way of learning how to write a great college entrance essay than by grading it by putting yourself in the admission officer's shoes.
Returning to India to visit my parents’ homeland, I was appalled to see the poverty, pollution, lack of sanitation, and general disregard for the law. The memory of motorcycles, scooters, and even cars driving on the wrong side the highway near Ahmedabad, India continues to boggle my mind.
Hours of discussions with my grandfather, who lives in India, led me to the conclusion that the root cause of this situation resides in the flawed political system of India. This critical experience ultimately developed my passion and career objective: improving the lives of people through the use of political science.
Since this discovery, I have been naturally drawn towards anything to do with political sciences. I’ve immersed myself in rigorous classes of US government and politics, history, micro and macroeconomics, math, and rhetoric. I have organized school rallies to raise awareness about the autocratic governments of Africa, participated in student government, worked extensively with the Cato Institute, and even received my first grant for a project designed to compare the constitutions of the United States with four developing countries including India.
Relatively speaking, revolutions are easy. Nation building is hard. Country after country in the Arab Spring revolution has regressed from a spirit of enthusiasm, positivity, and excitement into such political uncertainty that their dictatorial past does not seem so bad in comparison. Crafting a political system that sets up the nation for decades or centuries of success takes careful blending of democratic principles, that continue to evolve since the time of the ancient Greeks, with the history and culture of the peoples of the nation. I want to collaborate with the top political science school to address the imperfections and deficiencies of the political system here at home and abroad. I want to develop a core competency to improve the lives of people by fixing the underlying problem – their political system. I want to help create the next set of breakthroughs in democratic principles of governing.
A source of key inspiration for me has been President William Taft, the only person to have presided both the executive and judicial branches of the US government. The fact that he is a Yale alumnus prompted me to visit Yale and the Political Science Department and this trip allowed me to experience first-hand the spirit of exploration that emanates from the professors and students. The size and breadth of the department match who I am. I thrive in large environments. I am self-driven and I go the extra mile to seize opportunities, prizes, and internships that might further my learning. I love immersing myself in a culturally diverse environment, debating with similarly minded passionate students, and constantly being surprised with new ideas.
Naturally, I will always continue my passion for playing the flute, tennis, and rock-climbing. I wake up inspired every morning driven by my passion for political science. My interests continue to define who I am and my passion continues to foster new areas of interest and curiosity. I remain perpetually intrigued by what is already known about political science and what remains yet to be discovered.